"...They Cut Off My Legs, Now I'm An Amputee..."

Sex can sometimes be a pain in the...well, anywhere. And I don't mean that good kind of pain that we all know I love so much. No, I mean that kind that has you calling 9-1-1 and practically passing out. I want to be able to update this section with as many crazy sex-related injury stories as possible, so please please please, oh baby please, send stories in to add.

Dislocations:

1. "Prudie" sent this in about a younger co-worker of hers. Apparently, he dislocated his arm while trying to carry a girl over the threshold and into bed. Now, this story is way too tame as far as I am concerned, but she insisted that it was a good story because she felt that the girl should not have given the guy another chance after that. Luckily for the guy, she did. I think I would have given him another chance too...and probably hit the gym as well.
2. The night after their second (yet not final) breakup, a girl and a guy decided to hang out and try to keep things friendly. Friendly lead to really friendly and they ended up back at her place. Now, if you've never had post-breakup sex with your ex, you don't know what you are missing! For some reason, even if the sex was bad for a while before the breakup, it is amazing right after the breakup! These two people got so into it that the guy forgot to watch how hard he was thrusting or what positions he was moving her legs in. The girl forgot to not move in certain ways that she really wasn't allowed (post-hip replacement). Mid-mutual orgasm, the hip popped out. Screams of pleasure turned to screams of pain and she had to explain to the ER docs exactly what happened. To this day, she can't go to that ER without them commenting on that night.

Concussions

1. What is the worst part of managing dorm sex while you are in college? If you said roommates, you are absolutely...wrong! The worst part is those damned bunk beds! A girl in my dorm was sleeping with a guy down the hall. They were having a wonderful time (as we could hear) and the next thing we knew, he's asking "Are you ok? Do you need an ambulance? Let me get a flashlight." She had banged her head pretty badly on the upper bunk (they were using the lower bunk). Ouch!
2. Of course, you'd think that the top bunk would be safer. Well, lower bunk guy's roommate got pretty trashed one night and brought his practically floating girlfriend back to his room. They were getting it on in the top bunk (door wide open) when the sight of people in the hallway must have caught her eye. In the middle of things (girl on top), she looks up and then loses her balance, falling on the floor and taking him with her. You might get free tuition if a car hits you while you are crossing the street at the yellow crosswalks, but I doubt you get free room and board for falling off the top bunk during sex. Keep it classy Worcester 1 boys!

Sprains and Strains

1. Let's give a shout out to "Bald Spot" for sharing this not-quite-story. He said he'd add details after he sobers up today. Basically, his little "Bald Spot" got sprained during some intense thrusting. Whichever lady it was at the time was on top and pushed down too hard, causing it to bend. That's what made all of his hair fall out.
2. The va-jayjay can sprain too. Guys, you think it's funny when your girl is walking funny the next day, but she is really in a lot of pain. I'm going to get into a lot of trouble for telling this story, but oh well. A girl I know, who isn't the sharpest tack in the box, hurt herself by opening her legs waaaaay too far. The guy, also not the brightest bulb, kept pushing them further apart because he wanted to keep thrusting deeper. She apparently kept saying ouch and he apparently kept asking if it hurt. She, being the genius she is, said she was fine. The next day, she was in horrible horrible pain. As concerned friends, we asked what happened. She told us the story, so we asked why she didn't tell him the truth. She said that she knew sex was supposed to hurt, so she figured it was normal. We asked if it was her first time. It wasn't. She'd done it a whole lot of times before, without it ever hurting. She just figured they must not have been doing it right. On a side note, this girl is a brunette...just saying...

Dehydration

1. This one goes out to my former roommate, "Slutty Sarah". Half the girls on my hall had a thing for the same guy, we'll call him "Backwards Hat Guy". "Slutty Sarah" was one of the girls who had a thing for him. So, what did she do? The logical thing, of course. She decided to suck "Backwards Hat Guy's" roommate off right in front of him...because that would work, right? ::Rolls eyes:: Well, "Slutty Sarah" had been drinking and then she went down on the roommate 3 times that night. The next day, our other roommate and I get a call to come to the health center. "Slutty Sarah" was so dehydrated from the night before that she needed iv fluids. Even after that, she was still a bit unsteady on her feet and we had to help her back to the dorm. Keep it classy, Worcester 1 girls!

Mysteriously Appearing Bruises and Cuts

1. All of these stories are pretty much the same, so unless you have a hilarious one that sticks out, I'm going to lump these into one general storyline. Lotsa drinking, lotsa fucking, wake up the next morning sober and covered in cuts and bruises, but without any memory as to what may have caused them. The end.

Questions

None today. I have to go attempt to corrupt a crabby hermit...hehe.

Stay safe by wrapping yourself in BubbleWrap,

Evil Temptress

Sex Game #1

A conversation with "Activities Anonymous" has inspired me to write about sex games. No, I'm not trying to play any with him (he can be the cat...I'd rather be the mouse), but some good ideas came up that deserve at least a mention:

• "Drunken Naked Dizzy Bat Moon Bounce Slip-n-Slide Twister" - Much like I imagine this guy to be, that name is a mouthful. It is the combination of some less complex games, with safety precautions taken into account. Let's break down all the parts:
  
  -It all began with Twister, the game where multiple people twist and contort their bodies on the floor to get into different positions. Obviously, this game goes with nakedness like peanut butter goes with jelly, so then we had Naked Twister.
  
  -Naked Twister sounds like a perfectly fun game, but you play it on a giant plastic sheet, much like a Slip-n-Slide. Now, we don't want water to lubricate our sheet. We want SexTarts, KY, or your lube of choice. Hence, the dawning of the age of Naked Slip-n-Slide Twister.
  
  -Naked Slip-n-Slide Twister seems adventurous, but it might make you nervous. You made need a drink to loosen up. Of course, drinking is more effective when combined with dizzy bat, so we added bother to the game.
  
  -Now, Drunken Naked Slip-n-Slide Dizzy Bat Twister sounds fun, but completely dangerous. In order to protect yourself from harm, you'd need a crash mat or something else that would keep you from hitting the hard ground. While a crash mat is nice and soft, a moon bounce has motion. It would be almost like there wasn't gravity.
  
  -There you have it, Drunken Naked Dizzy Bat Moon Bounce Slip-n-Slide Twister...however, if you are klutzy or not very flexible, try sticking with the parts of this you know you can handle. You don't want any injuries...which brings us to the next post, so I'll be sure to post games from time to time, but we should move on. I don't want to confuse you with the details of too many games at once. The emergency rooms are already crowded enough...again, something that brings us to our next post...

"We Are the Champions, My Friend..."

Last night was a Shocktastic night at kickball! I'm pretty sure we won, but more importantly, the post-game conversation was hilarious (and informative). My head is still spinning with things that need to be written about. There is a very likely chance that I will forget some of the topics that were discussed, so feel free to comment and add.

Your Nuts
No, that wasn't supposed to be "you're". Somewhere towards the beginning of the conversation, we got onto the topic of nuts. While we girls knew that massaging a guy's balls is something he will find enjoyable, we did not know that the "tingle" originates there. We also didn't know that you could completely get a guy off that way, even without any penile contact. So, ladies, don't neglect the nuts.

Which Button Do I Press?
Guys, we think you are almost as great as the Rabbit, but you sometimes seem to need a roadmap to find your way to where you need to be. Once you get there, you still seem to need an instruction manual. So, here it is. There are two spots you are aiming for, the clit and the g-spot. Most women prefer one over the other, but we do like when you stimulate both. Pay attention to your woman's reactions. Moaning does NOT mean "that was good, so move on to the other spot". It means, "yes, keep doing that right there". Keep in mind that the g-spot can be hard to locate, but when you find it, your woman will tell you. Also, the clit can be very sensitive and many women can not handle you directly massaging it. For a woman with a very sensitive clit, that can be quite painful. Try going over the "lips".

Just a Trim
The guys all pretty much had the same thing to say about hair...they don't like when women are hairy down there, nor do they like when women are stubbly. Now, this poses a bit of a problem for women...trim, shave, or wax? If you can wax at home, go for it. If you can't, don't go somewhere to get it done. If you listen to the news, you recently heard that the wax at salons is full of disgusting bacteria. Think about it...they all dip the stick, smear it on, and then dip again, etc. That means bacteria from a whole lot of vags is going into that wax. Makes you want to just vomit, doesn't it? Instead, shave if your skin isn't too sensitive for it and if you can do it often enough that you won't be sanding him down with your stubble. Of course, if you have very sensitive skin, take a scissors and just trim it really close. It'll still be soft, instead of stubbly, but you won't look like you have a poodle down your pants.

As for what girls say about guys, it's mixed. Many girls do not like hairy guys, but some don't mind. Most girls prefer when a guy is at least manscaped on his back, chest, and stomach and trimmed down there. Some of us have just accepted that some guys are hairy beasts. Special mention goes out to "The Bald Spot", whose name apparently applies to two areas. Way to be talented with the Bic!

Stereotypes
"Jewish girls do not give head."
That one is complete bullshit. We do give head and we are quite talented at it. You can even ask "The Fertile One" if you don't believe me. He told a story about a blow job he got from a Jewish girl who was a-maz-ing. If anything, it'd be more accurate to say that Jewish girls don't swallow, but that still only applies to about 50%. Many do swallow. And, according to "Go Granny Go", it makes your hair shiney. (Apparently, I've been spending a lot of money on conditioner, when I could have been giving blow jobs for free.)

"Black guys are huge!"
Inappropriately, I texted "Ant" to ask if this is true. His response was, "Small dick has no color."

"Jewish guys are tiny!"
From experience, I can say that it varies. The shorter Jewish guys I've dated have had proportional "friends". The taller Jewish guys I've dated have had rather large "friends". I've noticed this same proportionality in various types of Christians as well. So, maybe the truth is that it really is all proportional. New rule of thumb..."If you want to feel it, but don't want to get hurt, fuck a guy of medium height."

Threesomes
The guys were all into the idea of two girls. They even said that they'd enjoy just being there watching two girls...even if they couldn't interact with them. The girls weren't completely opposed to the idea, but were very hesitant. Girls get jealous and girls hate feeling like they are being compared to someone else. That's just how we are. Props to "The Bald Spot" and "JDate Junkie" for sharing their "almost threesome" stories.

Buttmunch
A unanimous "Ewwwwwww!!!!!!!!!" However, according to "JDate Junkie", if someone uses cocaine and then poops, let his poop dry out for three days and then snort it. It'll make you high. That's fucking disgusting!!!!! If you are that desperate to get high, get to the Betty...NOW!!!

Red Hot Love
Period sex came up. It's messy. It's not recommended unless the guy is blind. It will gross him out and it will be a pain in the ass to clean up.

I'm Cumming, so Move Over
Guys, most girls do not like it when you pull out. The girls who do like it would appreciate it if you at least give them a heads up about it. It is fucking obnoxious to start pulling out without warning and then to get mad at the girl because she didn't know what you were trying to do. Most of us use the various methods of birth control so that you will not need to pull out.

Quiffing
I'm pretty sure I spelled that wrong, but basically, that thing that sometimes happens during the thrusting that sounds like a fart but isn't. It happens to everyone. Everyone blushes and finds it embarassing. It happens more often during doggy style. If it really embarasses you, turn on some loud music and encourage some spanking. Both sounds will drown out that other sound.

Question
At the moment, I can't remember what else we discussed. Instead of answering a question, please just comment on any of these topics.


Not your stereotypical Jewish girl,
Evil Temptress

"Call You Up in the Middle of the Night, Like a Firefly Without a Light..."

The title is a stretch, but I'm in a very Soul Asylum mood, so just deal with it. Soul Asylum in 5 days! Woohoo!

However, this post is about the phone calls in the middle of the night. You know the ones I mean...BOOTY CALLS! Now, I will not try to speak from a male perspective here, so I am hoping that if any of the assumptions I make are incorrect, the male readers will chime in and correct me. Please, your brains are sometimes quite the unsolved mystery. I will discuss it from my point of view. If the females don't agree, well, maybe they should take a look at their own beliefs...and then trash them. In fact, I will break this down into a set of 4 easy-to-follow rules:

Rule 1: No false advertising.
Ladies, it's time to get out of your fantasy worlds. Don't tell the gentlemen that a booty call is ok with you if it's really not. And, if you believe that it means he likes you as more than just a piece of ass, then ask yourself why he is calling you at midnight to fuck, instead of calling you at a respectable time at least 24 hours in advance to ask for an actual date? Gentlemen, if you don't want the ladies to start reading "relationship" into the booty call, don't say anything that would lead them to think you have feelings for them. Case in point, four nights ago, at 11:30 pm, I got a call from a guy I've been on a few dates with (over the course of a few years...lol), looking to come over and hang out. I said no. Last night, he called at 9 pm and kept begging to come over because he "misses" me. He let a few weeks lapse after a date and now he suddenly misses me? He cancelled plans to go hiking last week, but he misses me? Hmm...sounds a bit suspicious. I'm not an idiot and I really do not appreciate people trying to mask their true intentions. I don't want a booty call that is disguised as feelings or as a date. My answer to that will always be "NO". If you're honest about just wanting to mess around, you at least have a chance. I don't want to think it is ok to feel something when it isn't. I'd rather know the truth. Gentlemen, keep this in mind. If you tell the truth, nobody gets hurt (or at least there is less chance of hurt). Ladies, just because he say he misses you doesn't mean he does. Take the time to stop and consider the facts. A guy who misses you would not be calling in the middle of the night...especially in the middle of the night in the middle of the week.

Rule 2: Keep different types of relationships separate.
Don't settle for a booty call with someone you have feelings for. That just leads to unhealthy attachment. Booty calls should be with platonic friends or people you really don't care about at all in any way. Dating should be reserved for people you actually have feelings for. Now, can one transition into the other? Sure..."dating" can become "booty calls" if both people realize they feel absolutely nothing for each other (and I stress that both people need to feel absolutely nothing). It is incredibly rare that it works in the opposite direction. Booty calls rarely become relationships. Think about it...if the person felt something for you, wouldn't that person want to date you and see how things progress? And, I suspect that those rare instances where a booty call becomes more are based more on lust than on emotions. The people get so wrapped up in the amazing sex that they think there is a real connection between them. After a while, they probably just realize it was all sex...nothing more...fun, but fleeting.

Rule 3: Keep it on your own terms.
It's called a "booty call", not a "beck and call". If you're not in the mood, there is no reason to do it. Sometimes, in real relationships, we have sex because our partners are really in the mood and we like to please them...and we like that they will return the favor when we are really in the mood and they are not. But, a booty call is not a real relationship. It's just a more interactive stand-in for your vibrator, your hand, your blow-up doll, or your dead hooker. There are no expectations and no strings attached. Don't cancel something in your real life for a fake experience.

Rule 4: Do not engage in booty calls with people you are not attracted to.
Booty calls are the perfect time to go out of your league...and not by fucking the person you used to say had "the boogie touch" when you were kids. Go fuck the hottie! Sure, this person might be vapid and share none of your beliefs and values, but you're not looking for anything real. You're just looking for something fun and meaningless. Actually, screwing the people you are attracted to, but could never imagine dating, is the perfect way to handle booty calls. Why? Because, if there is a person that you are attracted to and would definitely like to date, you don't want to waste that person on a booty call. That person is the relationship person. The sex god(dess) you want to fuck, but would rather pretend to be a deaf mute instead of engage in conversation with, is the booty call! Wham, bam, thank you ma'am/man!

That's really all I can think of for now.

Questions
-Are there any other booty call rules that should be obeyed at all costs?
-Please share any stories that have to do with anything mentioned in this post.


Call me later,
Evil Temptress

"Oh, Oh, Oh, It's Magic..."

I don't know if there is some mystical reason for it (because I never think to check my horoscope), but for some reason, May has always been a magical month for me...at least as far as relationships go. Good things always happen in May.

I found myself thinking about this on my way into work today, probably trying to cheer myself up about the start of another work week, when it hit me that I'd really like to write about this and other superstitions. I tend to be a bit superstitious, but I think that all people are in one way or another. For example, I have a lucky shirt. Why is it lucky? Because, I get lucky (or at least meet a new and interesting guy who I then start dating) every time I wear it. I fully believe this shirt is the root of all of my superpowers (just go with it)...and when I wear it in May, I am invincible! (Ok, maybe not invincible, but really good stuff does happen.)

I first noticed my May magic thirteen years ago. That's when I was dating "The Lizard King" (no, not Jim Morrison, but someone with an equally deep soul and eyes you could get lost in forever). Actually, now that I think about it, the fact that I reconnected with this person last week may be the reason that May magic is on my mind. He was my first love and my first, well, you know. He was also the first guy to scare me...not that it was his fault at all. Our first time, the condom broke. We got a new one and kept going. I wasn't freaked out until afterwards...when I thought about it...and then my monthly rude guest was late. I was scared beyond belief! It finally came 2 weeks late, but still coming off of the panic, I broke up with him. I have absolutely no idea why that seemed like a good idea at the time. I think that on some level I was afraid that would happen again, even though he had never pushed me into it and he kept asking if I was sure because he was concerned about it being my first time and all. Even love was not immune to my committment issues back then. Luckily, we did eventually get back together. We were together off and on for two years. Guess who kept getting scared and causing the "off" times. And, guess who eventually ended it altogether...although I will say that it was for good reason, even though I did still love him with all my heart...at least I think it was for good reason. Anyway...

Now, I could go through a description of every guy I've ever been with and tell about how all of the really good things happened in May, but you might just get angry at me for that. So, I'll reduce it to a top 10 list...well, top 10 list of everyone but "The Lizard King"...and in no particular order other than what comes to mind first:

1. "The Hobbit" - met him in May, started dating him in May, really really amazing sex starting in May...really a shame it took me a few years to realize that he was a major douche and that it would all be downhill from there
2. "The Priest" - (not really a priest) met him at the very end of May, he eventually proposed, it didn't work out though...all good though
3. "Efo Ha'Zayin? Ha Zayin Yarad" - (if you understand that, feel free to laugh) another one that started in May
4. "The Frat Boy" - second guy I slept with, really nice guy, led to an entire year of awesome fuck buddiness
5. "We Are..." - (can you guess where he went to school?) a simple date to a carnival in May led to years of messing around and then becoming fuck buddies...I was his "first" (and taught him well) and he became my favorite rebound guy
6. "Maryland ___" - (I'll leave out his actual name, but I'm just too lazy to think of a new nickname for a guy I've called this for ten years) first met and messed around in May, which led to him being my favorite fuck buddy ever!!!!! (Damn that guy was good!!!!)

Ya know, I think I'm going to cut the list off here. Screw ten! I'm getting bored with the trip down memory lane and I'm sure I put you all to sleep already. WAKE UP!!!!

Back to the point...I have no idea why May seems magical to me. I don't know if it's the return to summer or if I just end up in a much better mood, but for some reason, May is lucky for me...when it comes to relationships and sex. Now, I'm interested in hearing about other people's superstitions and lucky things.

Questions
-Is there a certain time, place, thing, etc. that you find lucky? Please tell the juicy details!
-Is there a certain time, place, thing, etc. that you find unlucky? Why?
-Do you think superstitions are just self-fulfilling prophecy or actual magic?


Hoping for May showers,
Evil Temptress

"I Smell Sex and...[Bacon]?"

Marcy Playground had the right idea when they sang about "sex and candy". Sex should be fun and people should use whatever they can to make it better. Who doesn't enjoy licking chocolate syrup off a body? Who didn't find it sexy when Ali Larter wore nothing but a whipped cream bikini in Varsity Blues? And, let's face it, blow jobs are so much better for the person giving them when a cock tastes like a lollipop because of flavored lube (Watermelon Sex Tarts is a personal fave). But, sex and bacon???

Last week, some friends got into a discussion about porn that somehow led to someone (who wants to be known as "Little Miss Sexilicious") stating that she would love to just lay back and eat bacon during sex, while her boytoy does all the work. Now, maybe I am a little closed minded on this one because bacon tends to gross me out a bit...but bacon? Seriously?

Even the guys were a bit grossed out by the idea...and those guys do love them some bacon. So, this started me thinking about what the criteria are for edible enhancements. What makes a food appealing to use during sex? What makes it absolutely disgusting to use during sex? Is it a regional thing? Personally, I'd be quite grossed out by raw fish and sex, but the Japanese are fans of eating sushi off a naked body...and you know those Geisha girls are not there strictly for conversation.

Some people enjoy edible underwear. I never understood the point of those, so if someone could please explain it to me, I'd appreciate it. I used to wear candy necklaces because I love the feeling of someone biting my neck...or lots of someones biting my neck throughout the day...high school and college were fun. One of my former roommates used to wrap her boyfriend's cock in a Fruit Rollup (guess he wasn't big enough for a Fruit By the Foot...hehe) before going down on him. And, other people I know have used ice cream or water ice on their girlfriends' nipples. Still, all of these things are sweet.

The more I try to think about something that would fall even close to bacon, the more at a loss I become. Can someone please jump in here? Anyone? Anyone??

Questions
-What makes a food appealing to use during sex?
-What makes a food absolutely gross to use during sex?
-Does this differ by region?
-What foods have you used to enhance sexual activities? How did you use them?


Cherry flavored cherry,
Evil Temptress

"Doin' the Butt..."

I promised you an anal post and here it is. No, I'm not going to be OCD. No, I'm not shoving a post up your ass. Butt, this will be an informative piece for the next time a couple wants to shove a post up an ass.

Let's get started. For the purpose of this blog, we will discuss the roles of both players, the pitcher and the catcher. The "pitcher" does the penetrating. The catcher takes it up the ass. We will discuss the physical/medical and mental/emotional ramifications of buttfucking. We will also provide tips for an easier ride and, for those of you who are totally clueless, the difference between anal sex and doggy-style. In both cases, a person is technically taking it from behind.

The Catcher

We're starting with the catcher, because this person really gets the shit end of the deal. Hehe. Physically, taking it up the ass can be very painful and very damaging. An individual who has a healthy digestive system and a normal immune system is the only person who really should ever attempt to be the catcher. A normal immune system is necessary because you may be taking narsty things into your body. The immune system needs to be strong enough to fight them, but not so strong that it attacks your body. This is even more critical in anal sex than in vaginal sex because it is pretty much guaranteed that you will bleed. If friction causes anything to tear, intestine or skin, all sorts of junk can enter your blood stream. Cum will be the least of your worries. Shit is extremely toxic if it enters your bloodstream. That's why intestinal perforations are so critical and scary. Shit can cause a deadly infection. Now, some people may be asking why a healthy person would bleed. Next time you go number 2, take a good look at it. Check out the girth. Unless you have a horrible diet and are desperately in need of some fiber, it probably isn't as wide as your boyfriend's cock. Also, have you ever changed a diaper? Poopy is somewhat squishy and can change form to fit. Good luck re-shaping a penis. And, to make it even worse, all of that in-and-out causes a lot of friction that your butthole just isn't used to. Usually, things come out fairly quickly. This would be moving in both directions and would take a lot more time than you are used to. Think about the last time you wore a shoe that rubbed you the wrong way. Pretty nasty blister, huh? Well, do you think other areas of skin are immune to that? The skin on the bottom of your foot is 40 times thicker than the skin on other areas of your body, including inside your bottom. Skip blister and go straight to bleed. Of course, if you cause tearing or inflammation in your rectum, you've got quite a shitty problem. Rectal inflammation causes the walls of the rectum to swell. If the walls swell, they can't stretch to accomodate whatever you need to contain in there until such time as you can deposit it elsewhere. If you can't contain it, you just drop it wherever you are. And, finally, even if you are incredibly healthy, there can be issues with the lube. Too much lube can act as a laxative. Not enough lube can lead to more bleeding and inflammation. The wrong lube can cause bad reactions. Geez, even for a healthy person, this can be a royal pain in the ass.

Now, what about if the person does not have a healthy digestive tract or a normal immune system? My advice, DON'T DO IT!!! If you have any type of bowel resectioning or removal or if you have a j-pouch, DON'T DO IT!!! Tears and/or infections caused by anal sex can lead to a need to have your surgery amended...meaning that you may end up needing more bowel removed and you may be stuck with an ostomy bag for the rest of your life. Anal sex is definitely not worth that! If you have any type of inflammatory bowel disease (Ulcerative Colits, Crohn's, Diverticulitis/Diverticulosis, etc.), DON'T DO IT!!! You already have enough issues down there that are difficult to control. You already bleed enough. Your immune system is already working overtime down there, making things even worse for you. Do you really want to complicate things further? Do you want to land yourself in the hospital, needing one of those fancy surgeries I just mentioned? Let me tell you, they ain't fun! Similarly, if you have any type of irritable bowel syndrome, DON'T DO IT!!! Sure, your illness doesn't suck quite as much as IBD, but do you want to deal with the pain of having a flare up at all? Finally, if you have a history of autoimmune illnesses, DON'T DO IT!!! You don't want to give your crazy over-active immune system a reason to start attacking your intestines. IBD is not fun. Once you have one type of autoimmune illness, you are more likely to get others. If there is any chance of you getting IBD, you don't want this to be something that sparks an issue.

Of course, if you are healthy and you want to share this experience with your boyfriend because he says he loves you and yadda yadda yadda, just be smart about it. Use condoms because they will reduce the risk of infections to both parties. Use lube...just make sure you use an appropriate amount and you use one that you will not have a bad reaction to (squeezing an entire bottle up your ass is not an appropriate amount). Have your little ass pirate/tuchas cowboy/rump rodeo clown gently rub some lube up into your rectum. If this grosses him out too much, ask him why the hell this grosses him out, but shoving his schlong up there doesn't!

The Pitcher

Oh Pitcher, you think you are immune to all of the unpleasantries that are inherent to butt-fucking. Haha. Time for a wake up call! First off, the obvious. Do not expect a blow job right after anal sex. You will need to scrub very well down there for a long, long, long time, using strong soap and very hot water before that thing is ever coming near your partner again. Next, you had better use a condom, lube well, and be gentle! again, BE GENTLE!!! Did you know the the butthole muscles are among the strongest muscles in the human body? Just think about all that strength, gripping tightly, and strangling your little buddy. Oh yes, you will feel pain if you are not gentle. Now, there are, of course, the same health issues inherent to anal sex from your end. Poop causes infection. You could still get a nasty infection from it. You could also get some UTI's or yeast infections (yes, guys get them too...I think they may be called jock itch).

Aside from all the medical grossness, there is also the issue of how you convinced your partner to agree to anal sex. I know plenty of girls who have said "not until we're engaged" or "not until I know you love me", etc. Did you tell a little lie that will get you in trouble? Going back on whatever it was that you said to get your partner to agree to this is immediate grounds for a good swift kick to the nuts...or many good swift kicks to the nuts...or my personal favorite, the twist and pull. Yes, you will deserve that kind of pain!

Now, if you didn't lie, good boy, but you're not out of the woods yet. Do not at any point make fun of anything about your partner. No making fun of your partner's butt and no commenting if when you're done, the condom looks a bit icky. You were up a butt! It will look icky! Do not embarass your partner who was so amazingly nice as to let you do that!

Other Ideas of "From Behind"

I have known a few people to get confused about the concept of "from behind", as doggy style is technically also from behind...it's just not "up the behind". Doggy style is still vaginal sex and it is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G for both partners! Add in a little spanking and, omg, you will be waking the neighbors!

Now, I hope this next part isn't too much of a shocker, but some people like to stick a rogue finger up a woman's ass while fingering her...otherwise known as a shocker! I have yet to find anyone who actually enjoys the shocker (also at times called a scorpion, "two in the pink and one in the stink", etc), but I guess anything is possible. Most of the people I know are "Do Not Enter"...and it is just plain rude to enter without an invitation.

Questions
-What is your up-the-butt limit?
-Girls, what have guys told you to try to get you to agree to anal?
-Guys, what have you told your partners to get them to agree to anal?
-Please also share any stories of anal gone awry.


Spanks a bunch,
Evil Temptress