"...They Cut Off My Legs, Now I'm An Amputee..."

Sex can sometimes be a pain in the...well, anywhere. And I don't mean that good kind of pain that we all know I love so much. No, I mean that kind that has you calling 9-1-1 and practically passing out. I want to be able to update this section with as many crazy sex-related injury stories as possible, so please please please, oh baby please, send stories in to add.

Dislocations:

1. "Prudie" sent this in about a younger co-worker of hers. Apparently, he dislocated his arm while trying to carry a girl over the threshold and into bed. Now, this story is way too tame as far as I am concerned, but she insisted that it was a good story because she felt that the girl should not have given the guy another chance after that. Luckily for the guy, she did. I think I would have given him another chance too...and probably hit the gym as well.
2. The night after their second (yet not final) breakup, a girl and a guy decided to hang out and try to keep things friendly. Friendly lead to really friendly and they ended up back at her place. Now, if you've never had post-breakup sex with your ex, you don't know what you are missing! For some reason, even if the sex was bad for a while before the breakup, it is amazing right after the breakup! These two people got so into it that the guy forgot to watch how hard he was thrusting or what positions he was moving her legs in. The girl forgot to not move in certain ways that she really wasn't allowed (post-hip replacement). Mid-mutual orgasm, the hip popped out. Screams of pleasure turned to screams of pain and she had to explain to the ER docs exactly what happened. To this day, she can't go to that ER without them commenting on that night.

Concussions

1. What is the worst part of managing dorm sex while you are in college? If you said roommates, you are absolutely...wrong! The worst part is those damned bunk beds! A girl in my dorm was sleeping with a guy down the hall. They were having a wonderful time (as we could hear) and the next thing we knew, he's asking "Are you ok? Do you need an ambulance? Let me get a flashlight." She had banged her head pretty badly on the upper bunk (they were using the lower bunk). Ouch!
2. Of course, you'd think that the top bunk would be safer. Well, lower bunk guy's roommate got pretty trashed one night and brought his practically floating girlfriend back to his room. They were getting it on in the top bunk (door wide open) when the sight of people in the hallway must have caught her eye. In the middle of things (girl on top), she looks up and then loses her balance, falling on the floor and taking him with her. You might get free tuition if a car hits you while you are crossing the street at the yellow crosswalks, but I doubt you get free room and board for falling off the top bunk during sex. Keep it classy Worcester 1 boys!

Sprains and Strains

1. Let's give a shout out to "Bald Spot" for sharing this not-quite-story. He said he'd add details after he sobers up today. Basically, his little "Bald Spot" got sprained during some intense thrusting. Whichever lady it was at the time was on top and pushed down too hard, causing it to bend. That's what made all of his hair fall out.
2. The va-jayjay can sprain too. Guys, you think it's funny when your girl is walking funny the next day, but she is really in a lot of pain. I'm going to get into a lot of trouble for telling this story, but oh well. A girl I know, who isn't the sharpest tack in the box, hurt herself by opening her legs waaaaay too far. The guy, also not the brightest bulb, kept pushing them further apart because he wanted to keep thrusting deeper. She apparently kept saying ouch and he apparently kept asking if it hurt. She, being the genius she is, said she was fine. The next day, she was in horrible horrible pain. As concerned friends, we asked what happened. She told us the story, so we asked why she didn't tell him the truth. She said that she knew sex was supposed to hurt, so she figured it was normal. We asked if it was her first time. It wasn't. She'd done it a whole lot of times before, without it ever hurting. She just figured they must not have been doing it right. On a side note, this girl is a brunette...just saying...

Dehydration

1. This one goes out to my former roommate, "Slutty Sarah". Half the girls on my hall had a thing for the same guy, we'll call him "Backwards Hat Guy". "Slutty Sarah" was one of the girls who had a thing for him. So, what did she do? The logical thing, of course. She decided to suck "Backwards Hat Guy's" roommate off right in front of him...because that would work, right? ::Rolls eyes:: Well, "Slutty Sarah" had been drinking and then she went down on the roommate 3 times that night. The next day, our other roommate and I get a call to come to the health center. "Slutty Sarah" was so dehydrated from the night before that she needed iv fluids. Even after that, she was still a bit unsteady on her feet and we had to help her back to the dorm. Keep it classy, Worcester 1 girls!

Mysteriously Appearing Bruises and Cuts

1. All of these stories are pretty much the same, so unless you have a hilarious one that sticks out, I'm going to lump these into one general storyline. Lotsa drinking, lotsa fucking, wake up the next morning sober and covered in cuts and bruises, but without any memory as to what may have caused them. The end.

Questions

None today. I have to go attempt to corrupt a crabby hermit...hehe.

Stay safe by wrapping yourself in BubbleWrap,

Evil Temptress