"We Are the Champions, My Friend..."

Last night was a Shocktastic night at kickball! I'm pretty sure we won, but more importantly, the post-game conversation was hilarious (and informative). My head is still spinning with things that need to be written about. There is a very likely chance that I will forget some of the topics that were discussed, so feel free to comment and add.

Your Nuts
No, that wasn't supposed to be "you're". Somewhere towards the beginning of the conversation, we got onto the topic of nuts. While we girls knew that massaging a guy's balls is something he will find enjoyable, we did not know that the "tingle" originates there. We also didn't know that you could completely get a guy off that way, even without any penile contact. So, ladies, don't neglect the nuts.

Which Button Do I Press?
Guys, we think you are almost as great as the Rabbit, but you sometimes seem to need a roadmap to find your way to where you need to be. Once you get there, you still seem to need an instruction manual. So, here it is. There are two spots you are aiming for, the clit and the g-spot. Most women prefer one over the other, but we do like when you stimulate both. Pay attention to your woman's reactions. Moaning does NOT mean "that was good, so move on to the other spot". It means, "yes, keep doing that right there". Keep in mind that the g-spot can be hard to locate, but when you find it, your woman will tell you. Also, the clit can be very sensitive and many women can not handle you directly massaging it. For a woman with a very sensitive clit, that can be quite painful. Try going over the "lips".

Just a Trim
The guys all pretty much had the same thing to say about hair...they don't like when women are hairy down there, nor do they like when women are stubbly. Now, this poses a bit of a problem for women...trim, shave, or wax? If you can wax at home, go for it. If you can't, don't go somewhere to get it done. If you listen to the news, you recently heard that the wax at salons is full of disgusting bacteria. Think about it...they all dip the stick, smear it on, and then dip again, etc. That means bacteria from a whole lot of vags is going into that wax. Makes you want to just vomit, doesn't it? Instead, shave if your skin isn't too sensitive for it and if you can do it often enough that you won't be sanding him down with your stubble. Of course, if you have very sensitive skin, take a scissors and just trim it really close. It'll still be soft, instead of stubbly, but you won't look like you have a poodle down your pants.

As for what girls say about guys, it's mixed. Many girls do not like hairy guys, but some don't mind. Most girls prefer when a guy is at least manscaped on his back, chest, and stomach and trimmed down there. Some of us have just accepted that some guys are hairy beasts. Special mention goes out to "The Bald Spot", whose name apparently applies to two areas. Way to be talented with the Bic!

Stereotypes
"Jewish girls do not give head."
That one is complete bullshit. We do give head and we are quite talented at it. You can even ask "The Fertile One" if you don't believe me. He told a story about a blow job he got from a Jewish girl who was a-maz-ing. If anything, it'd be more accurate to say that Jewish girls don't swallow, but that still only applies to about 50%. Many do swallow. And, according to "Go Granny Go", it makes your hair shiney. (Apparently, I've been spending a lot of money on conditioner, when I could have been giving blow jobs for free.)

"Black guys are huge!"
Inappropriately, I texted "Ant" to ask if this is true. His response was, "Small dick has no color."

"Jewish guys are tiny!"
From experience, I can say that it varies. The shorter Jewish guys I've dated have had proportional "friends". The taller Jewish guys I've dated have had rather large "friends". I've noticed this same proportionality in various types of Christians as well. So, maybe the truth is that it really is all proportional. New rule of thumb..."If you want to feel it, but don't want to get hurt, fuck a guy of medium height."

Threesomes
The guys were all into the idea of two girls. They even said that they'd enjoy just being there watching two girls...even if they couldn't interact with them. The girls weren't completely opposed to the idea, but were very hesitant. Girls get jealous and girls hate feeling like they are being compared to someone else. That's just how we are. Props to "The Bald Spot" and "JDate Junkie" for sharing their "almost threesome" stories.

Buttmunch
A unanimous "Ewwwwwww!!!!!!!!!" However, according to "JDate Junkie", if someone uses cocaine and then poops, let his poop dry out for three days and then snort it. It'll make you high. That's fucking disgusting!!!!! If you are that desperate to get high, get to the Betty...NOW!!!

Red Hot Love
Period sex came up. It's messy. It's not recommended unless the guy is blind. It will gross him out and it will be a pain in the ass to clean up.

I'm Cumming, so Move Over
Guys, most girls do not like it when you pull out. The girls who do like it would appreciate it if you at least give them a heads up about it. It is fucking obnoxious to start pulling out without warning and then to get mad at the girl because she didn't know what you were trying to do. Most of us use the various methods of birth control so that you will not need to pull out.

Quiffing
I'm pretty sure I spelled that wrong, but basically, that thing that sometimes happens during the thrusting that sounds like a fart but isn't. It happens to everyone. Everyone blushes and finds it embarassing. It happens more often during doggy style. If it really embarasses you, turn on some loud music and encourage some spanking. Both sounds will drown out that other sound.

Question
At the moment, I can't remember what else we discussed. Instead of answering a question, please just comment on any of these topics.


Not your stereotypical Jewish girl,
Evil Temptress