"Call You Up in the Middle of the Night, Like a Firefly Without a Light..."

The title is a stretch, but I'm in a very Soul Asylum mood, so just deal with it. Soul Asylum in 5 days! Woohoo!

However, this post is about the phone calls in the middle of the night. You know the ones I mean...BOOTY CALLS! Now, I will not try to speak from a male perspective here, so I am hoping that if any of the assumptions I make are incorrect, the male readers will chime in and correct me. Please, your brains are sometimes quite the unsolved mystery. I will discuss it from my point of view. If the females don't agree, well, maybe they should take a look at their own beliefs...and then trash them. In fact, I will break this down into a set of 4 easy-to-follow rules:

Rule 1: No false advertising.
Ladies, it's time to get out of your fantasy worlds. Don't tell the gentlemen that a booty call is ok with you if it's really not. And, if you believe that it means he likes you as more than just a piece of ass, then ask yourself why he is calling you at midnight to fuck, instead of calling you at a respectable time at least 24 hours in advance to ask for an actual date? Gentlemen, if you don't want the ladies to start reading "relationship" into the booty call, don't say anything that would lead them to think you have feelings for them. Case in point, four nights ago, at 11:30 pm, I got a call from a guy I've been on a few dates with (over the course of a few years...lol), looking to come over and hang out. I said no. Last night, he called at 9 pm and kept begging to come over because he "misses" me. He let a few weeks lapse after a date and now he suddenly misses me? He cancelled plans to go hiking last week, but he misses me? Hmm...sounds a bit suspicious. I'm not an idiot and I really do not appreciate people trying to mask their true intentions. I don't want a booty call that is disguised as feelings or as a date. My answer to that will always be "NO". If you're honest about just wanting to mess around, you at least have a chance. I don't want to think it is ok to feel something when it isn't. I'd rather know the truth. Gentlemen, keep this in mind. If you tell the truth, nobody gets hurt (or at least there is less chance of hurt). Ladies, just because he say he misses you doesn't mean he does. Take the time to stop and consider the facts. A guy who misses you would not be calling in the middle of the night...especially in the middle of the night in the middle of the week.

Rule 2: Keep different types of relationships separate.
Don't settle for a booty call with someone you have feelings for. That just leads to unhealthy attachment. Booty calls should be with platonic friends or people you really don't care about at all in any way. Dating should be reserved for people you actually have feelings for. Now, can one transition into the other? Sure..."dating" can become "booty calls" if both people realize they feel absolutely nothing for each other (and I stress that both people need to feel absolutely nothing). It is incredibly rare that it works in the opposite direction. Booty calls rarely become relationships. Think about it...if the person felt something for you, wouldn't that person want to date you and see how things progress? And, I suspect that those rare instances where a booty call becomes more are based more on lust than on emotions. The people get so wrapped up in the amazing sex that they think there is a real connection between them. After a while, they probably just realize it was all sex...nothing more...fun, but fleeting.

Rule 3: Keep it on your own terms.
It's called a "booty call", not a "beck and call". If you're not in the mood, there is no reason to do it. Sometimes, in real relationships, we have sex because our partners are really in the mood and we like to please them...and we like that they will return the favor when we are really in the mood and they are not. But, a booty call is not a real relationship. It's just a more interactive stand-in for your vibrator, your hand, your blow-up doll, or your dead hooker. There are no expectations and no strings attached. Don't cancel something in your real life for a fake experience.

Rule 4: Do not engage in booty calls with people you are not attracted to.
Booty calls are the perfect time to go out of your league...and not by fucking the person you used to say had "the boogie touch" when you were kids. Go fuck the hottie! Sure, this person might be vapid and share none of your beliefs and values, but you're not looking for anything real. You're just looking for something fun and meaningless. Actually, screwing the people you are attracted to, but could never imagine dating, is the perfect way to handle booty calls. Why? Because, if there is a person that you are attracted to and would definitely like to date, you don't want to waste that person on a booty call. That person is the relationship person. The sex god(dess) you want to fuck, but would rather pretend to be a deaf mute instead of engage in conversation with, is the booty call! Wham, bam, thank you ma'am/man!

That's really all I can think of for now.

Questions
-Are there any other booty call rules that should be obeyed at all costs?
-Please share any stories that have to do with anything mentioned in this post.


Call me later,
Evil Temptress