"Doin' the Butt..."

I promised you an anal post and here it is. No, I'm not going to be OCD. No, I'm not shoving a post up your ass. Butt, this will be an informative piece for the next time a couple wants to shove a post up an ass.

Let's get started. For the purpose of this blog, we will discuss the roles of both players, the pitcher and the catcher. The "pitcher" does the penetrating. The catcher takes it up the ass. We will discuss the physical/medical and mental/emotional ramifications of buttfucking. We will also provide tips for an easier ride and, for those of you who are totally clueless, the difference between anal sex and doggy-style. In both cases, a person is technically taking it from behind.

The Catcher

We're starting with the catcher, because this person really gets the shit end of the deal. Hehe. Physically, taking it up the ass can be very painful and very damaging. An individual who has a healthy digestive system and a normal immune system is the only person who really should ever attempt to be the catcher. A normal immune system is necessary because you may be taking narsty things into your body. The immune system needs to be strong enough to fight them, but not so strong that it attacks your body. This is even more critical in anal sex than in vaginal sex because it is pretty much guaranteed that you will bleed. If friction causes anything to tear, intestine or skin, all sorts of junk can enter your blood stream. Cum will be the least of your worries. Shit is extremely toxic if it enters your bloodstream. That's why intestinal perforations are so critical and scary. Shit can cause a deadly infection. Now, some people may be asking why a healthy person would bleed. Next time you go number 2, take a good look at it. Check out the girth. Unless you have a horrible diet and are desperately in need of some fiber, it probably isn't as wide as your boyfriend's cock. Also, have you ever changed a diaper? Poopy is somewhat squishy and can change form to fit. Good luck re-shaping a penis. And, to make it even worse, all of that in-and-out causes a lot of friction that your butthole just isn't used to. Usually, things come out fairly quickly. This would be moving in both directions and would take a lot more time than you are used to. Think about the last time you wore a shoe that rubbed you the wrong way. Pretty nasty blister, huh? Well, do you think other areas of skin are immune to that? The skin on the bottom of your foot is 40 times thicker than the skin on other areas of your body, including inside your bottom. Skip blister and go straight to bleed. Of course, if you cause tearing or inflammation in your rectum, you've got quite a shitty problem. Rectal inflammation causes the walls of the rectum to swell. If the walls swell, they can't stretch to accomodate whatever you need to contain in there until such time as you can deposit it elsewhere. If you can't contain it, you just drop it wherever you are. And, finally, even if you are incredibly healthy, there can be issues with the lube. Too much lube can act as a laxative. Not enough lube can lead to more bleeding and inflammation. The wrong lube can cause bad reactions. Geez, even for a healthy person, this can be a royal pain in the ass.

Now, what about if the person does not have a healthy digestive tract or a normal immune system? My advice, DON'T DO IT!!! If you have any type of bowel resectioning or removal or if you have a j-pouch, DON'T DO IT!!! Tears and/or infections caused by anal sex can lead to a need to have your surgery amended...meaning that you may end up needing more bowel removed and you may be stuck with an ostomy bag for the rest of your life. Anal sex is definitely not worth that! If you have any type of inflammatory bowel disease (Ulcerative Colits, Crohn's, Diverticulitis/Diverticulosis, etc.), DON'T DO IT!!! You already have enough issues down there that are difficult to control. You already bleed enough. Your immune system is already working overtime down there, making things even worse for you. Do you really want to complicate things further? Do you want to land yourself in the hospital, needing one of those fancy surgeries I just mentioned? Let me tell you, they ain't fun! Similarly, if you have any type of irritable bowel syndrome, DON'T DO IT!!! Sure, your illness doesn't suck quite as much as IBD, but do you want to deal with the pain of having a flare up at all? Finally, if you have a history of autoimmune illnesses, DON'T DO IT!!! You don't want to give your crazy over-active immune system a reason to start attacking your intestines. IBD is not fun. Once you have one type of autoimmune illness, you are more likely to get others. If there is any chance of you getting IBD, you don't want this to be something that sparks an issue.

Of course, if you are healthy and you want to share this experience with your boyfriend because he says he loves you and yadda yadda yadda, just be smart about it. Use condoms because they will reduce the risk of infections to both parties. Use lube...just make sure you use an appropriate amount and you use one that you will not have a bad reaction to (squeezing an entire bottle up your ass is not an appropriate amount). Have your little ass pirate/tuchas cowboy/rump rodeo clown gently rub some lube up into your rectum. If this grosses him out too much, ask him why the hell this grosses him out, but shoving his schlong up there doesn't!

The Pitcher

Oh Pitcher, you think you are immune to all of the unpleasantries that are inherent to butt-fucking. Haha. Time for a wake up call! First off, the obvious. Do not expect a blow job right after anal sex. You will need to scrub very well down there for a long, long, long time, using strong soap and very hot water before that thing is ever coming near your partner again. Next, you had better use a condom, lube well, and be gentle! again, BE GENTLE!!! Did you know the the butthole muscles are among the strongest muscles in the human body? Just think about all that strength, gripping tightly, and strangling your little buddy. Oh yes, you will feel pain if you are not gentle. Now, there are, of course, the same health issues inherent to anal sex from your end. Poop causes infection. You could still get a nasty infection from it. You could also get some UTI's or yeast infections (yes, guys get them too...I think they may be called jock itch).

Aside from all the medical grossness, there is also the issue of how you convinced your partner to agree to anal sex. I know plenty of girls who have said "not until we're engaged" or "not until I know you love me", etc. Did you tell a little lie that will get you in trouble? Going back on whatever it was that you said to get your partner to agree to this is immediate grounds for a good swift kick to the nuts...or many good swift kicks to the nuts...or my personal favorite, the twist and pull. Yes, you will deserve that kind of pain!

Now, if you didn't lie, good boy, but you're not out of the woods yet. Do not at any point make fun of anything about your partner. No making fun of your partner's butt and no commenting if when you're done, the condom looks a bit icky. You were up a butt! It will look icky! Do not embarass your partner who was so amazingly nice as to let you do that!

Other Ideas of "From Behind"

I have known a few people to get confused about the concept of "from behind", as doggy style is technically also from behind...it's just not "up the behind". Doggy style is still vaginal sex and it is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G for both partners! Add in a little spanking and, omg, you will be waking the neighbors!

Now, I hope this next part isn't too much of a shocker, but some people like to stick a rogue finger up a woman's ass while fingering her...otherwise known as a shocker! I have yet to find anyone who actually enjoys the shocker (also at times called a scorpion, "two in the pink and one in the stink", etc), but I guess anything is possible. Most of the people I know are "Do Not Enter"...and it is just plain rude to enter without an invitation.

Questions
-What is your up-the-butt limit?
-Girls, what have guys told you to try to get you to agree to anal?
-Guys, what have you told your partners to get them to agree to anal?
-Please also share any stories of anal gone awry.


Spanks a bunch,
Evil Temptress