"Your Scent is Still Here In My Place of Recovery"

There have been a lot of things going on lately that have been causing me to question the concept of "morals" and to re-examine my own morals. I have always been an extremely "moral" person. Even with my horrible temper, I still have always taken the high road and have always expected the same of others. Seeing as people very rarely have met those expectations, I have always questioned how people could be so dismissive of "the right thing" to do.

Recently, I have begun to think that my views are crap! Good people get kicked in the ass by karma and assholes watch their own dreams come true. Fuck that! The next few posts will be dedicated to embracing more realistic values, especially in the areas of sex and relationships. To ensure that this happens, I have set a goal...

I INTEND TO HELP EVERYONE WHO READS THIS BLOG GET LAID WITHIN THE NEXT WEEK (or next two weeks if your situation is a particular challenge).

So, let's get started. The first thing we need to do is get rid of a common misconception. During sex ed (or wherever), you were probably taught that sex does not cure or help treat any illnesses. You were taught not to fall for the line, "I have __(name of illness)__ and sex makes it feel better, so I need sex or I will get really sick." Well, newsflash, PEOPLE HAVE LIED TO YOU!

SEX CAN DEFINITELY HELP TREAT CERTAIN ILLNESSES! This is documented medical fact. Now, I won't tell you what these illnesses are. You may already have one of them or you may not. Either way, you have to do the research. The only thing I will say to help is that even if you do not have one of those illnesses, sex causes you to release endorphins and endorphins are amazing painkillers. You do the math on that one. Oh yeah, I should probably offer a second piece of helpful advice. Don't use any type of an illness that is sexually transmitted. That would just be stupid. And remember, people respect creativity. Even if you are caught in the lie, if you were creative about it and if you had set your sights on a partner you have a chance with, you may still get laid. Everyone likes a good joke...just be sure to spin it that way if you are caught.

Now, I know some of you are reading this and getting annoyed that I would suggest people use deception and trickery to get people into bed. Before I give my full opinion of the issue, let me pose the questions. Please comment and be as blunt as you want:

-If you had an illness that could be improved in some way by having sex, would you tell a potential partner about it, in the hopes of getting that person into bed?
-If you don't have an illness that could be improved in some way by having sex, would you ever lie and say you did have one of those SPECIFIC illnesses, just to get someone into bed?
-Would you ever creatively twist the health benefits of sex in order to lure a partner into bed?

I'll be honest...been there, done that. Ladies, listen up. Certain hormone imbalances can be seriously helped by having sex. Your body releases hormones during sex. Sometimes that jolt is enough to balance out whatever issue you are having. Regularly having that jolt can even just about fix the problem. Sure you won't be able to regulate the hormones on your own (there actually can be differences between hormones released during sex and hormones released during masturbation), but if having sex on a regular basis is what the doctor orders, who are you to question a prescription? Besides, would you prefer a solid shag or taking a pill? Shag please! Just make sure you can get a steady fix...if your boyfriend claims to not be a machine (ha, of course he's a machine), then maybe you need some "sex supplements". Think of your boyfriend as medicine and all other partners as "vitamins". Vitamins are good for you. If you don't take them at the same time as the medicine, you will never have a poisonous interaction. I was dumb enough to believe my ex wasn't a "machine". Turns out, he was a tool, with a rather tiny tool. Since then, I am all about big machines with lots of power behind them. Otherwise, I may fall very ill. ;-)

Let me know if this helps you at all this week. If it doesn't, don't get too discouraged. I will be offering many different simple ways to get laid over the next week. For those of you who will need two weeks, the second week of advice will be slightly more complicated, but definitely will guarantee that your face will look like this :-O.


Show me your "OOOOOOO" face,
Evil Temptress